Emma Faye – Pick Up Your Mat

Looking back on this sermon, I see what the Lord conquered on my behalf. I had nonstop panic attacks for a month almost everyday. It felt like I was dying, I couldn’t breath and I felt like I was having…

0
(0)

Looking back on this sermon, I see what the Lord conquered on my behalf.
I had nonstop panic attacks for a month almost everyday. It felt like I was dying, I couldn’t breath and I felt like I was having a heart attack. I had one so unexpectedly and in the middle of a good day that I rushed myself to the hospital and I was so disoriented I left my car in a random road.
The funny thing is few people knew, they loved the Instagram and social media life and the person they saw on stage but they had no idea that the stories I tell of a deaf childhood of loneliness really affected my adulthood and a lot of relationships. Some of my close friends and my only serious relationship ended regarding my hearing loss. I struggled to feel present because attempting to hear is exhausting all day long. I was afraid someone was calling my name behind me and I was coming off rude or stuck up. I was afraid of depression becoming a part of my story alongside deafness so I avoided getting help. My senior year, the “most likely” in the school paper for me was “most likely to be suspected of something underhand because no one can be that joyful.” No one knew that I could hardly get out of bed that entire year or that the following summer, I could not leave my house for 2 weeks. Few close to me have known.
However I have fought. I decided I was not defeated anymore. I went to Christian counseling and did all things and everything to fight for my healing. I had hard conversations and I sat and battled it out with the Lord. Freedom is mine because Freedom is a Person and His name is Jesus. I went from crying all the time because I felt so hopeless to now crying because I have been rescued from darkness. I have felt more like myself than I ever have. The Lord saved me from dangerous years of wrestling by myself to feeling fully alive and tender at the things of Jesus again. I fought going to counseling for years because of shame, and the Spirit finally said “you want help but you’re not willing to do what it takes. I am not afraid of those dark places and what hurts now, will not hurt forever.” Face the rawness of dark places for radical healing.

0 / 5. 0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *